sheeeesh!

serious procrastination in progress. but i have sooo many new posts, just gotta actually, you know, POST them. this week. promise.

update.

New look coming soon... bout to recreate this whole thing. New music, new layout, new style, new posts! All that, all that. Possibly moving to onsugar.com? Possibly.

oh wait.

just made a new twitter: @born_notmade
ok, 2 more weeks!

kiss that ass goodbye.

officially on a hiatus...be back soon...

hiatus.

thinking of it...
a month and a half left of the semester= "Get that shit done."
meaning i won't have time to blog until it's over...
perhaps i'll develop a new look and have something new to say...


(no more pity parties!)

hair.

where i got the idea...

my tattoos =)

well the ideas for them and where they came from. excited. should be getting them real soon!

"I'MPOSSIBLE" in big letters going up my side.

<

here's where that tattoo will be:

"Toujours ici" on the inside of my arm...

which means "still here" in french...which is a poem by Langston Hughes.

been scared and battered.

My hopes the wind done scattered.

Snow has friz me,

Sun has baked me,

Looks like between 'em they done

Tried to make me

Stop laughin', stop lovin', stop livin'--

But I don't care!

I'm still here!

This is where that tattoo is going to be:

your heart.

i could never stay mad at you, even if i wanted to.
in that case am i to blame? i remain a player in this game.
to walk away would be the day i lie to myself and fail to say:
goodbye.
i can't leave you alone or stay away from a phone
without you i'm lost;
i roam.
i lose control and it's taking a toll. i'd give you my soul for my only goal:
your heart.

the expert.

everything happens for a reason. for us to learn lessons right? but what if the same shit happens over and over? does that mean you havent learned your lesson? but you coulda sworn you did, didnt you? apparently not. the second time it happens is to reinforce it i guess... like studying... gotta do it more than once for the information to actually stick- right? righthhhht. well i'm losing count of how long ive been trying to memorize the rules to this game... i just know that in the end, i'm gonna be an EXPERT at this subject.

*** this has not been edited, and will never be..because i don't want to. thats all.

control.

I could live a little better with the myths and the lies,
When the darkness broke in, I just broke down and cried.
I could live a little in a wider line,
When the change is gone, when the urge is gone,
To lose control. When here we come.

Mayer for Mayor.

my top John Mayer faves
Who Did You Think I Was
Edge Of Desire
Gravity
Neon
No Such Thing
Say

and my fave : This Will All Make Perfect Sense Someday

the truth.

all this for a nigga that's just average, doing average nigga shit? like talking out the side of his mouth, and thinking with his dick..."

Selective.

"This will be my world...I told you so…"






I've only been back at school for a month. Feels like it's been a year. Kinda crazy the amount of drama that has happened in such a small amount of time. I really don't want the rest of the semester to be like this... It's ridiculously tiring. When you think about it, we have the power to turn things around and make them into what we want them to be. A lot of this has to do with selective preception. Selective perception is the personal filtering of what we see and hear so as to suit our own needs. In other words, we can choose what we want to spend our time thinking about and focusing our lives on.

I need to work on that, I'm sure it'll make things a lot easier.

untitled.

what if you had a vision.
a vision that told you where you needed to be
and that all your dreams would come true there.
you could be yourself and things would be great,
you'll be successful.
and finally free.

but what if the vision lied?
(now what?)

power.

say something (continuation)

ever want something so bad,
you tried your best, gave all you had?
but things happen for a reason,
and just like the seasons,
things change.
and when you've given all you've got,
threw your hardest punch when you fought,
for that one thing that just would never be,
you finally step back far enough to see:
sometimes silence says enough.

If I was a Rich Girl...

I would buy Armadillos by Alexander McQueen (R.I.P)

a thousand bucks, ten inch stilletoes.

  

Why I love:

Rihanna

how i feel right about now.

couldn't have said it better myself.

"I’m not confused by your jewelry or that make-up, your hair doesn’t fool me and neither does your clothes. I see past your surrounding friends and your so called dominance and power. The labels on your shirt only spell out insecure, I’m sorry my friend but you can not fool me." -http://flavors.me/christielover

cracked case.

Okay so just a thought...

I was just sitting around thinking and came to this.
What is so special about the normal guys that walk around campus like celebrities? Like I mean seriously, who are you? And don't say something dumb like "obviously i'm someone because then why are you writing about me...blahhhh blahhh blahhh." no. because you are not important, that's the point of this. Alright. So coming from New York City, I know the difference from lame niggas and real dudes. But a lot of girls out here don't and spend time making these lames big headed, so big headed to the point that they start to believe they are someone. Many of these lame dudes on campus most definately were nothing but shit shit back at home and coming to college gave them a chance to become a celebrity and create a persona completely different from who they really are. It's a waste of time. It's like putting lipstick on a pig nigga. Just know there are some girls out here who are on to you and can see past the charade.

***if you take any offense to this or become annoyed by this in any way and you are a guy, you may be that lame i am referring to.

***if you take any offense to this or become annoyed by this in any way and you are a girl, you may be that girl sucking off the lames, as mentioned in the statement above.

blondie.

be alone.

because if titles didn't mean anything, there wouldn't be such thing. 
and if you don't have one, there is none and therefore you are nothing.
and when you're nothing, you have no right to be mad.
but you will be mad when you find out how many girls he talks to.
and that you are, in fact, just another girl.
but you don't have to be just another girl.
you can choose to be alone.
because that person is out there waiting for you to be their everything.
but then again being alone was never fun, now was it?

Niggas.

not as complicated as they try to make themselves seem.
they do the same old shit until it gets predictable.
and say the same lines thinking we aren't catching on.
"sweetheart"... "beautiful"...  "cutie"
shut the fuck up with all that.
it's not making me feel any type of way.
especially not "special".
can you at least find a synonym?
stupid ass boys.
only deal with men around here.

"focus on niggas and you get less done"

Damn.

My best friend, my bitchhhh, my sister...ME. It's so hard being away from your other half...It's almost like being away from yourself. I can never be fully me without her. Nobody can understand me like she can. No one can know what I'm feeling without me having to say. No one can finish my sentences...She calls me right when I'm about to dial her number. We've been through some shit together. It's like someone knew we would need each other and introduced us at the right time. It hurts to be away from her but each day that goes by I deal with it. Because I know nothing will ever change and no matter how far apart we are, it'll always be the same.

Alexa and I celebrating my 17th birthday. Our first time going to a club haha... memories.

If you should die before me, ask if you can bring a friend."

I Have A Dream Party.

finally found a pic of us after 2 weeks.


*** Sorry Stellz you got cut off, not purposely though!

Street Fighter.

Last night was the craziest night of the semester so far. And we're only 3 weeks in. We went to the lamest dumbest emptiest old head party in the world...But that's besides the point. The point is before we left we all had our own bottles of bacardi. That's usually all we need to be ON. But then we decided it would be a great idea to snatch drinks from these old geezers, and since they were desperados anyway, they offered to buy us more. How could we refuse? Great. So a bottle of bacardi and 6.3894 "SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS" later, I'm dancing on tables. My girls are in their own worlds, one crouched over throwing her life up, one STILL taking shots and the others grinding on these grandpops like they were in "Dirty Dancing". So I get carried off the table by the CLUB MANAGER and we get kicked out. I dont know how we caught a cab but we did, and 6 guys try to hop in. Thankfully the cabbie wouldn't allow that so they got kicked out.

I fell as soon as I got into my dorm.
And again in my room.
And after I ran up and down the fourth floor screaming "where them bitches at?!" I fell again.
And again rolling off my bed.

This morning I woke up with a swollen hip, and a sore left side. Just like a street fighter. It's about time to take some sleeping pills and get ready to do it all again.

***This may sound like fiction but it is 100% real. Shame.

The Fight No Man Could Win

Focus.

Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.Focus.

Look at that word. Each and every single one. Say it in your head.



Now tell me you're still focused.

The Panties.

"I don't wanna be no where but here
No where in this atmosphere
Stratosphere, ionosphere
Ain't no sphere that's bright like here
I don't wanna be no where but here
No where in this atmosphere..."



"I'm good where I am"

Quiet Dog Bite Hard.

This is Mama, my older sister's puppy when she was just months old.
She's a dog now.

Daisy by Louis Vuitton

Daisy chain link necklace by Louis Vuitton.
$1050

Drunk Texting.

I hate you.
I never want to see you again.
You make me sick.
Leave me alone...


Never leave me.
You're all I need.
Stay with me forever.
I love You.

"You start drunk texing then suddenly you miss him."

Unpredictable.

This game we play is getting old
i try to hang on but there's nothing to hold
i want to be content, and you can make it right
instead I toss and turn; no sleep at night
unpredictable; suprises aren't always good
waiting for you to be the "man" you said you would.

"Everytime I think we're all right, why you gotta go and change your mind baby?"

Say Something.

don't hide your feelings
just want you to know;
things will be easy once you let your insides show
i think i know but then i don't
i wanna ask you but i won't
i play your games but don't see the answer
doubt is running through my mind and it's spreading like cancer
should i stay or do i leave?
tell me i'm all you'll ever need
i'm begging you, down on my knees
please.

"I'm gon' need you to say something baby."

Woah.

United Nude Heels= Hard.
I heard they were easier to walk in and more comfortable that regualr heels, believe it or not.
I want some!

The Sweetest Thing ♥

The sweetest thing I've ever known
Was like the kiss on the collarbone.

Call Me.

When you're ready for love, I'll be there to answer.

Did You Know?

Did you know you're all I think about?
Nothing else in this entire world seems to really matter.
Everthing comes back to you; all else is just chit-chatter.

Did you know I could care less?
Care less if the world stopped spinning and stood still
'Cause with you there's always time to kill.

Did you know that I'm right here?
Been here the entire time but you'll never realize;
When I look at you there's love behind these eyes.

The truth.

Whenever I see you, I can't help it.
I have to smile, but after a while...
I begin to hurt.
Not because I stopped breathing or because I've been smiling too long;
but because my heart begins to know the truth.

Last Week.

This time last week I was so ecstatic, I'm talking high on a kite.
Then the next day I fell off my cloud and back to reality.
I hate reality...
It really really sucks sometimes.
What I really wanna know is why is there always a "catch"?and  a "but..."?
Why can't things just got smoothly, at least some of the time?
There's never a smooth ride, it's always a struggle... and I know thats life, but bumpy rides get old.
Damn.

Gotta Crush on Gucci Rush.

This stuff smells so good, I carry it on me at all times. It's really small to be $80 but I love the smell and will never go out without it. ♥
 

***It's not even as big as the pink case. The pink case is trasparent and inside it is the little bottle.

High School Never Ends.

I can never be in the "cool crowd,"
that crowd just ain't for me
just a bunch of fakes and façades, as far as i can see.
i don't want to be "popular"
man, that shit is getting old
people can no longer be themselves; they have images to hold.
now don't let me be misunderstood 'cause anti-social i am not
but i refuse to be judged on my looks or even the rocks that i got.
i'm not perfect, in fact i know i'm far
but all i really wanna know is: isn't it time to raise the bar?

"The whole damn world is just so obsessed with who's the best dressed and who's having sex."

LoveFool.

What's hard is this love song
Like rocks or bread left out too long.
it's hard like sitting on a concrete floor
that's the feeling, and my heart is sore.
cause i'd give all i had, if i had anything at all
without you im insignifigant, miniscule; small.
and i wish you'd let me in, let me know just how you feel
should i let you go?
tell me the truth; don't be afraid to be real.
but for now i can just guess and hope that you feel the same...
should have thought more than twice before i played this love game.

"I can't care about anything but you."

The DUMBEST.

"let me share this with you women;

Do you know that when you put on lipstick you are indirectly telling people that you are not beautiful you have to put on lipstick before you look beautiful? "

 

I don't give a fuck what you think I am indirectly telling you when I put on lipstick. Maybe you should put some on before you KISS MY ASS. Because this concept is the dumbest, and can be applied to anything (clothes, hair, makeup ect)

I hate dumb comments such as these. And I won't stop wearing lipstick.

Why does everything have to be SO DEEP?

 

 

How about I just like the way it looks?

 

I'm so apalled.

"Hey, I know you don't know me but my name is ___________.
I seen you around before and always thought you were beautiful,
but I just want to know: why did you peirce your nose like that?"

Some guy I don't know really asked me me this. Like he's my father.

Why were YOU born? Mind your fucking business. I don't owe anyone an explantion.
I can do what I want to MY body without having to answer to people. I know a septum peircing is "unorthodox" or so I've been told, but so what? What the fuck is "orthodox" now days?
 Homosexuality? Gangs? Drugs? NOTHING. Hellooo. This is not the effing beginning of time.

"I mean, the shit is FUCKING ridiculous..."

and I'm not even self concious about my peircing...it's just the principle of the matter...

Old Shit.

This is from last year. I found it in this notebook I keep. But it applies to the present. History repeats.

The Debt of Teen Love

As I struggle to keep myself together

I tear myself apart

Then I start to wonder: did you even love me from the start?

Love's all I have to give

and so many are eager to take

but what's left of me is emptiness

these are the beds that I make.

Is it even worth it?

I know that you don't care.

Should I hand out my heart?

Is that even fair?

It's the feeling of love

that's all I really want.

To be genuinely cared for;

to be somebody's to flaunt.

But lately, and sadly it seems,

these niggas don't care how I feel

they don't ask about my dreams.

But still I keep trying;

hoping this one will be mine.

Maybe he'll make it better.

Maybe this time I'll be fine.

The Whore or the Housewife?

Kanye and his ex-fiance Alexis Pheifer.



Kanye and his current girlfriend Amber Rose.

The Whore always wins.

the eraser.

Please excuse me but I got to ask
Are you only being nice
Because you want something?

How Close.

what hurts the most, is when things are so right one moment...
and so wrong the next.
it hurts when you know how great things can be.
and realizing it'll never "be".
what kills you is how close you came. how close.
though not close enough. not nearly enough to hold on to what you had.
but did you really have it to begin with?

Septum ♥

So yesterday I decided to get my septum pierced. It was my birthday (01/12/92) and I turned 18! Septum piercings were done in Ancient Africa and India as a symbol of adulthood. So since I was officially an "adult," I decided to get one as well. I was super shaky but determined. Plus I told basically the entire world so there was no way I was gonna back out. But basically the guy who did it in the tattoo shop marked where he was gonna pierce, then clamped it. I heard a lot stories about the clamp hurt but it did not hurt me AT ALL. Then when he put the needle through I had my eyes closed. My eyes watered a tiny teensy bit but the pain was sharp and really quick. Nothing like the stories I was told. But anyways here's how it looks. If you don't like it I don't care. Haydah.

formspring.me

don't be afraid to ask at http://formspring.me/aadeoso

"It's hard to stay awake when you realize your dreams"

Ever want something so bad
that it almost felt real?
but then you realized that it wasn't?
that my dear, is the saddest of dreams.
and you almost thought you could sleep forever.


Thank you, thank you.

Do You See What I see?

These are way too muchhh; in a good way though.
Ever see Rihanna in those ridiculously sexy shades? Well Kerin Rose is responsible with designs going for much as $600. Crazy? Not really. When you have shades that look as good as these, the price is irrelevant. I'm sick and in love with them!

***The name of her line is A-morir, French for "Til Death" and these are definately to die for ♥

**Yes; it's possible to see through these.

*Rihanna also wore these in the "Run This Town" Music Video.

"Big Loss."

I love seeing black models...but there are so few of them! "Big Loss" to the Fashion Industry; they're a afraid of a little ass and hips. They needa put their lips between some.

Killah Lipstick.

One of my all-time fave movies: Boys & Girls Guide